Erasing the memories.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way of deleting certain memories from your life. I am sick of memories right now, memories of my past relationship. I just don’t want to think about it anymore. I know in time it will be easier but I am so sick of being in places, hearing songs, having reminders of him everywhere. I have moved on, and I wish my mind would too, but it seems to think it’s fun to keep reminding me of my past life. I am not hateful or negative about my past relationship and I have no bitter feelings left, but it does suck when you are getting along with your life and suddenly out the blue you will hear a song that reminds you of them, or you will be watching Television and suddenly a shows comes on that you used to watch together. It’s not even that, but if you happen to drive past somewhere or go to a place you both used to go, it strucks you harder. You may have not even thought about them until that point, and BOOM, your back feeling blue about it all. When I came out of my relationship, I used to wish there was something/anything that would take away the hurt and the memories. I wished that there was some sort of miracle that would delete them from your heart and mind and make you forget them sort of like ‘Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind’.

But now. Looking back.. I realize that there is a reason why there is no such process. If there was, then deleting that person from your life would also mean deleting a big part of yourself and your own life. If I had deleted him from my mind and if I had been made to forget that he never existed and that four years with him never happened, then I would lose who I was. In them four years, I learnt a lot, I grew as a person, and although it is hard now, I do not regret that time, and I do look back and smile at the memories. Everything we experience makes us who we are. Some things just end, it doesn’t mean that we end, it just means that the chapter ended, and there are many more chapters left to live. I miss the memories, but I’m glad that they don’t disappear because that would feel like it never existed, and I think that would hurt a lot more.

Yes, it hurts, when I am reminded of what is no longer in my life.

But in time, I know that it will not hurt, that it will purely be a memory sat alongside many more memories to come.

So for now I guess I just have to move through this phrase, and take all the painful reminders in, because when I have moved on in life, I will appreciate the happy reminders.

Jade xox